I learned to detach myself from people who either one that you can trust or I know I can trust but is still afraid to deal with. I have been through a lot, and maybe that is the reason why I feel like I'm so detached towards everything in my life and each day, I've become farther and farther away from it all.
When I was in elementary, I've come to live separate from my mother since she found herself a new Home and a family to live with, far away from where I am, and left me with my half-blood relatives, her family, since I don't know who my father is -- not that they did not told me, but maybe because I don't give a damn. And maybe, that was my first heartbreak. The first time I've learnt that nothing lasts forever and that people builds trust just so they can tear it down. Of course, I know I barely thought of it that way when I was young, but maybe this words may OR MAY NOT suffice the experience of being left behind. It hurts. So much, that I tried to remember the pain by completely erasing the memory even the date or the year of my age. That was also when I started to forget the memories of childhood and the age I've been because they act as bookmarks for those events in my life where I could say I am alone and wished I was not born.
When I was in high school, I started making a lot of friends but still got hurt and betrayed that I pictured my trust as a glass being thrown and broken over and over. A glass that no matter how hard you try to fix it and put the pieces back together, it would not be the same anymore. I experienced another heart ache. The kind of pain that withdraws you to make friends and trust the people around you. The kind of fear that makes you scared to step unto a house with a wide open door or touch a delicious food served before you because it might harm you. I became detached farther away from the word Trust.Today, I become too afraid, to trust people. To entrust my smiles, to fall in love. Even the idea of being so close to someone that you can't live without them is so painful to begin with. And yet, I am still waiting, for that someone who can never break my glass of trust. Someone.... who can help me create a me that is not afraid to believe to something.
I am still not afraid to find that someone, since I haven't experienced the shattering of the glass with him.
